Repairing the Bonds
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: After all they had been through, there was still some repair work needed.


Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't...

Summary: After all they had been through, there was still some repair work needed.

A/N: This story is a part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe. Enjoy!

**Repairing the Bonds**

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The flames danced red and gold as the wood crackled and burned in the large fireplace. I stared at them and wished my own memories were half as orderly. Today had been so frustrating. I kept running into blanks for Sweethearts' Day traditions and preparations of all things. A light touch barely grazed my shoulder and I still leapt in the air with a startled yelp.

I whirled around to see Oreius watching me with a mix of concern and chagrin. His dark eyes searched mine before he rumbled, "Forgive me, I did not intend to startle you."

Clearing my throat, I struggled to regain control of my emotions. It was hard enough to deal with this mess without seeing how it hurt people I _knew_ I cared about . . . I glanced back at the fire. "It's not your fault, Kentauri. I was just lost in thought."

There was only silence for a moment then the Kentauri gently rested his hand on my shoulder. "We do not have to do this tonight."

"No. Sixthday talks are a tradition." I grimaced at the fire then admitted ruefully, "It's one of the few things I can't possibly ruin right now."

"Alambiel." I pretended not to notice the slight hesitation in his movement as Oreius slid his hand from my shoulder to my cheek. It helped a little, though, that when I looked up at him, I saw only love in his eyes. He smiled slightly. "You have ruined nothing. You expect too much of yourself too soon. Everyone understands that you are still, how did you phrase it, fitting the pieces back together."

I swallowed hard, trying not to cry out of sheer frustration. My emotions were still so raw and some days I felt like I did nothing except sob because all I could remember was pain and hurt. I have a lot more bad memories than good ones and for whatever reason the bad ones were the ones I recalled best. Oh Lion, I was so tired of feeling this way. The faint hope that tears hadn't appeared faded as soon as Oreius stepped back, giving me more room . . . his new strategy for helping involved backing off in case he had caused my overly emotional outburst.

Shaking my head, I started to reach out for his hand but then I stopped myself. The little worry that had been niggling at me since Christmas summoned the words and they escaped before I had the chance to temper them. "Are you sure you still want me?" Oreius' eyes widened but I couldn't stop myself from continuing, too afraid he would lie to shield me, "You have been through a lot because of me. If I were . . . If I were a Centauress, then I would not be such a prize for the enemies of Narnia. You wouldn't have had to delay the progression of our relationship. If I were not Centaur-kin only, my heritage wouldn't be dangerous. If I had been born a Centauress, I would not be . . . so damaged."

It hurt to admit it but it was the truth. The past autumn had certainly exposed just how damaged I was and not only to Oreius. I took a steadying breath but couldn't bring myself to look at him. "I'm not blind or foolish enough to think I am the only one who had or has feelings for you. I'm also not selfless enough to give you permission to look elsewhere for love. I'm petty in this regard. However- However, I want you to tell me honestly if you would have been happier had I been a full-blooded Centaur and not just Centaur-kin."

The silence was the worst part. There was no doubt about that. It took everything for me not to pace or say anything else. I was too much of a coward to look up though. After everything he had been through, everything I had inadvertently put him through, I told myself it wouldn't be surprising at all if he didn't have regrets. If he didn't wish he had let someone else into his heart. Cagri or Tanith would have been much easier choices. They wouldn't have been targeted like I was and Oreius wouldn't have suffered the hurt of having the woman he loved not know him, be afraid of him.

"You are correct." I swallowed hard but said nothing as Oreius continued, his tone grave and solemn, "You are correct that if you had been born a Centauress, you would not be a potential target for Narnia's enemies. At least, not to the same extent a royal is. And your heritage would not be the same, the danger of being a direct descendent of the line of Frank would not be there, this is also true." He paused then his callused fingers curled beneath my chin and gently pushed until I looked up. I could not read his expression as he spoke again, "If you were a Centauress, you would not be Alambiel. You would not be the woman I fell in love with, the brave, fiery mare who can stand against storms of the heart and mind, most often on behalf of those who are not so strong. You would not be _my_ Alambiel." The sternness in his face faded as he stepped a little closer to me. "You would not be the woman I love and shall always love."

For a moment, I said nothing. The doubt must have seeded itself deeper than I had realized because I struggled to understand why Oreius didn't see what was wrong with me. "I am damaged."

"So am I." The Kentauri smiled sadly when I jerked my head up. "I thought you knew that all warriors experience damage. We protect our loved ones, our friends, and the innocents who do not even know our names and we carry the weight of the lives lost and the lives taken." He caressed my jaw. "And you were first hurt when you should have been protected by those older than you. Nightmares and haunted memories and scars, physical and emotional, are to be expected in a warrior's life. You have always been strong. You have always been a warrior, sweet. I wish there was a way I could end the suffering of the lingering marks of your past if only to ease the pain I see in your eyes. But I will never blame you for the times when the past seems too real. I desire to be a part of your refuge when this happens." He cupped my face between his hands then bent to touch his forehead to mine as he rumbled, "I would not trade you or our love. Because if you were not Alambiel, you would not be _my_ star."

I closed my eyes, trying to organize my thoughts, my feelings. And trying very hard not to let any more overly emotional outbursts occur. "What does that mean?"

Opening my eyes, I was relieved to see that Oreius didn't flinch or give off any hint of disappointment. He must not have explained the term before. Instead, he smiled. "You know the stars are given to the Centaurs to watch. When we fall in love, our wives are our own guiding stars. Someone who helps us to stay on the path Aslan would have us walk and who strengthens and soothes us when we struggle." His thumb rubbed a little circle against my cheek. "You are my guiding star. No one else could take your place, sweet. You are the brightest star in my life."

There wasn't much I could say to that and I didn't try. Instead, I accepted and rejoiced in the fact that Oreius still loved me even after everything I had put him through over the last five months. No matter the damage done by the Monster and by Mordad, we could repair what it did to our bonds because we were willing to face it together. Wrapping my arms around the Kentauri's neck, I kissed him.

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! Not a true Sweethearts' Day fic but this is important too. Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about it. :D**


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